Emotional abuse: It’s a bigger problem than you think
When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted. But not all abusive relationships involve violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you are not being abused.

Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often overlooked – even by the person being abused.

Understanding emotional abuse
Emotional abuse chips away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing or are nothing.

Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse, such as shouting, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behaviour also count as emotional abuse. Additionally, emotional abusers often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you don’t do what they want.

You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse – sometimes even more so.

Economic or financial abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse
Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and they will frequently use money to do so.

Economic or financial abuse includes:

  • Rigidly controlling your finances
  • Withholding money or credit cards
  • Making you account for every penny you spend
  • Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter)
  • Restricting you to an allowance
  • Preventing you from working or choosing your own career
  • Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
  • Stealing from you or taking your money
Violent and abusive behaviour is the abuser’s choice

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over their behaviour. In fact, abusive behaviour and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.


Where to get help

People Opposed to Woman Abuse (Powa)
Gauteng-based organisation offering shelter, counselling and legal support to women in abusive relationships, rape survivors, survivors of incest.
Helpline: 083 765 1235 www.powa.co.za 

Stop Gender Abuse
Crisis counselling for women who have been raped or abused, advice and support for people wanting to support women in need of help, legal and other options available for abused women and rape survivors. Run by LifeLine Southern Africa.
Toll-free helpline: 0800 150 150

Rape Crisis
Rape Crisis Cape Town Trust works to prevent rape, offers healing to survivors, and works towards legal reforms that will ensure perpetrators are brought to justice. Services include counselling, court preparation, support groups, important contact numbers. Counselling lines:
021 447-9762 (Observatory)
021 633 9229 (Athlone)
021 361 9085 (Khayalitsha)
www.rapecrisis.org.za

Speak Out
Rape emergency information, services, advice and links
www.speakout.org.za

Sources: Breaking the Silence: a Handbook for Victims of Violence in Nebraska; www.helpguide.org  http://www.southafrica.info/services/crisishelp 

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