At work, challenging the status quo is a healthy activity which promotes innovation and progress. However, when handled poorly, disagreements can become a poison that threatens to destabilise teams and relationships. We look at how to disagree nicely.

"I disagree" can be as lethal as a bullet in the way it kills the other person's point of view, and as sharp as a knife in the way it slices through their right to have or express an opinion.

A better way to disagree
What happens if we delayed the statement "I disagree" and preceded it with an explanation?

What about trying to understand where our colleague is coming from rather than following our urge to tell them where they should be going?

And what about using the alternative viewpoints as an opportunity to evaluate a situation in more than one dimension?

The point is not necessarily to reach a consensus or to win the other person over to your position, but to have meaningful dialogue based on mutual appreciation of the facts and information that each position is based on.

So, imagine what would happen if the next time you found yourself disagreeing with a colleague you tried something new.

Instead of saying "I disagree with you" followed by an attempt to explain your reasons (to deaf ears), try explaining your position first, followed by the statement, "That's why I disagree with you on this point".

You can play around with a form of words that seems right for you. Here are some examples:

"I'd just like to explain how I currently see the situation and why I see it this way at the moment."[Provide your rationale and explanation]. "That's why I have difficulty accepting your position."

"I'm interested in exploring some of the facts and data that seem to have got us to this point."[Provide your rationale and explanation]. "Therefore, I see things a bit differently to you at the moment".

"I'd like to explore your idea further. Before I do that I'd like to offer an alternative view." [Do so]"

Extracted and reworked from “The power of constructive disagreement” by Tim Lambert, published on www.management-issues.com

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